Brian Laxson
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Hearing of the upcoming rebellion Eurmal has opened up the Box of Naughty Things. From within it’s horrifying depths he has taken out weapons dating far back into the God Time. These are the Words of Pain that can incite rebellion. These words have become to circulate in Dragon Pass for use against the Lunars. Infused with powers that can affect the gods themselves these are sure to rouse the ire of the Orlanthi people. They are also rumored to have the power to drive mad any Lunar unfortunate enough to fall victim to them. The Words of Pain include:
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Humakt
Humakt who?
<<Italian accent>>
‘who make’ a’ da’ dinner. I’m a’ hungry.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Vardus
Vardus who?
<<german accent>>
‘vare does’ your wife go each night?
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Uleria
Uleria who?
‘you-lay-ere-a’ wind knocks you over.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Humakt
Humakt who?
Mostal makes dwarves, Uralada makes cows.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Urox
Urox who?
<<threatening tone>>
‘your – rocks’ are on my field. Prepare to be plowed!
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Elmal
Elmal who?
‘Eel maul’ is the name of my fishing club
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
I, Earnalda
I Earnalda who?
I ‘earn all da’ praise round here but get so little.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Lankhor Mhy
Lankhor Mhy?
<<pointing to bum>>
Lank or my flank, what is this called?
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Humakt
Humakt who?
‘who make’ this door? It’s very nice.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Barntar
Barntar who?
‘barn-tar’ wasn’t dry yet and I’m stuck to the roof.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Earnalda
Earnalda who?
'Earn-all-da' gold and you will lose it all in taxes
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Kolat
Kolat who?
'go-late' to the battle and they will think you a coward
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Issaries
Issaries who?
<<dragon newt accent>>
‘izzs-zzzere’ zzzanybody inzzzide?
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Urox
Urox who?
‘your – rocks’ are on my foot and I can’t lift them.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Heler
Heler who?
‘hell or’ high water we will be free.
Lankhor Myh
Lankhor Mhy who?
_lank o_er my _ead fell on me and I bit my ton_ue
<<’plank over my’ head fell on me and I bit my tongue>>
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Elmal
Elmal who?
‘eel-mall’ is where the fishes go shopping
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Odayla
Odayla who?
<<french accent>>
‘all day’ la sun shine is shining someplace
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Chalana Arroy
Chalanna Arroy who?
‘shall Anna and Roy’ come with us on the picnic.
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Humakt
Humakt who?
‘Who make’ you emperor anyway?
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Vardus
Vardus who?
<<German accent>>
‘Vare does’ dis door go?
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Maskastos
Maskastos who?
<<transforming feet into a mist>>
‘my gas toes’ are flowing in the breeze
Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Uralda
Uralda who?
‘your-all-da’ people I love. You’ve been a great audience.
<<exit off the stage… well try to. Mythically at this point Eurmal was
taken prisoner and tied to a stake. It is from this stake that Orlanth
rescues Eurmal. Eurmal agrees to take the less dangerous option and go
on the Lightbringers Heroquest>>
One important note is that Orlanth never appears in the Words of Pain. This is believed to be related to Orlanth providing protection to the trickster. It is also possible that the Words of Pain were created by Eurmal visiting Orlanth's stead and knocking on the door. Thus Eurmal could never have said 'Orlanth' as it was Orlanth who was answering.
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