Chaosium Digest Volume 26, Number 10 Date: Sunday, November 1, 1998 Number: 1 of 1 Contents: Bast and the Children of the Sphinx (Andrew Clements) CALL OF CTHULHU The Maniacal Shannon Appel NPC (Cry.Sys) CALL OF CTHULHU Editor's Note: Greetings and a happy Day of the Dead to all and sundry (or All Saint's Day or Celtic New Year if you prefer). Here's hoping that Santa Claws brought you everything you wanted on Halowe'en. First, let me say thanks to everyone who was kind enough to respond to my call for a new Chaosium Digest editor last time around. I got around a dozen offers all said and done, and I'm sure that everyone of those people would have done a terrific job. I've selected John Thompson for the position. He'll be working with some assistant editors, and hopefully that will allow the Digest to be even better. A big cheer for John, and thanks for his being willing to carry on the flame. He'll be beginning the task on January 1, 1999. In the meantime, I'll be here for two more months, and I hope that you'll all be kind enough to send in lots of good articles for all of Chaosium's games, so I can end my almost five-year tenure in style. With that said, two articles for Call of Cthlulhu this week, perhaps better suited for Apr 1 than Nov 1, but what the heck--have fun. As for me, I've off to a tea party.... now where did that silver whistle go? Shannon -------------------- From: "Andrew Clements" Subject: Bast and the Chidren of the Sphinx System: Call of Cthulhu Bast and the Chidren of the Sphinx Or: Just another insane pop group Important Note: This is not a *serious* article. Helpful pre-reading: The main rule book, of course, and Masks of Nyarlothotep. Thanks to: Rob, Ross, and other members of the Minotaur's Head Gaming Club who helped contribute to the ideas presented here. ===================================================== For those of you who have read the pre-reading list, you already know who Bast and the Chidren of the Sphinx are. For those of you who haven't, Bast is an Egyptian deity of cats, who is featured in Call of Cthulhu for somewhat doubtful reasons... The Chidren of the Sphinx are bizarre monsters from the Masks of Nyarlothotep campaign who are actually mummified bodies whose heads have been replaced with those of animals. As you have noticed, the links between the deity and the monsters, is that they are humanoid with animal heads. This was pretty much the inspiration for this mind-destroying idea. I blame Rob for helping me to start it... So we came up with a new pop group called "Bast and the Children of the Monolith." It could also be re-named "The Children of the Sphinx, featuring Bast", for Keepers who have been paying attention to current pop trends... We [me, Rob, and Ross], decided that this would be a pop group, mainly because we do not like pop, and because, quite frankly, who would notice hundreds of teeny-boppers going mad? The Chidren of the Sphinx would be the backup singers. Since there is an indeterminate number of these monsters, we are settling with four. One has the head of an alligator, one has the head of a hippo, one has the head of a lion [I have no idea why], and the last has the head of a jackal. The Children might also do dance moves, although the alligator and the hippo might have a problem with head balance. Being animal-headed, singing is probably not one of their best talents. But being a pop group, this probably goes without saying. Bast would naturally be the lead singer. What else would an Elder God accept? [At this point I interject a side comment. At one point we felt that Bast and The Chidren of the Sphinx would be a line-dance group. This is perfectly viable. Can you imagine this Mythos group doing a collaboration with Steps?] The group would probably start off with a cover or two, in order to arouse general suspi- er, interest. Possibilities include Stardust's "The Madness Feels Better with You", the Backstreet Boys' "What You Are [?!?]", and Run DMC etc "Its Like That [And That's Who I Eat]." When they became popular through a now entranced fan base, they would probably start injecting Cthulhu-type hymns into their songs. The first couple of songs would probably be normal insanity-causing affairs, aided by the group appearing live, which will inevitably cause a few asylum admissions..., but following their success, the group will lose their lofty [?!?] ideals about the enslavement and eating of humanity... After that they will just pretend to be occult, while actually serving it up on a pop platter... Being naturally sadistic entities, they will probably make songs more banal and pointless than even the Backstreet Boys, or even [gasp!] the Spice Girls. When the group eventually disbands in the natural course of events [say, Mr Hippo-head ODs, or Bast argues with Mr Lion-head about Demarcation], Bast will probably go solo, although doing occasional duets or featuring in other groups, etc. Witness Celine Dion and Bast: "Its You [I Want to Maim]." The Chidren of the Sphinx will inevitably sell out stories to the newspapers, and will probably be killed in supposed suicides... such as suicide by not running before the Fire Vampire hits. Assuming they don't take this route, they will probably filter into TV, the way many failed pop stars do [naming no names...]. A probable favourite is Mr Jackal-Head and the others joining the Blue Peter team. A little more insanity won't hurt... ["And here's a Sacrificial Knife I made earlier... remember, have an adult present at all times..."]. Of course, after this, the group will completely fade away from public memory, only remembered by a few loyal fans. Truly, a cult-following. This article will [eventually] wind up on my website at http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/1754/Cthulhu.html so further suggestions will be appreciated [and noted]... Send suggestions you may have to Andyc2@netcomuk.co.uk This article is plainly satirical, but you can adapt it to "normal" cthulhu adventures by making the singers human, but have them continue to sing Cthulhu-oid hymns... Andy Clements Andy Andyc2@netcomuk.co.uk http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/1754/index.html "I hate myself because you do" Andrew Clements For my always up-to-date [yeah, right] contact information, click here: http://www.planetall.com/main.asp?cid=772643 It's private, secure, and free! Whether or not you'll ever use the d**n thing... -------------------- From: Hamdula@Neosoft.com Subjects: The Maniacal Shannon Appel NPC System: Call of Cthulhu ***Shannon Appel NPC*** By Cry.Sys Seeing that our editor and founder's time to move on has come, I've decided to make it all the more memorable. Here, I have extraordinary stats and background of the Shannon Appel NPC. Shannon Appel STR 11 CON 14 SIZ 11 ; I always imagined a short person. Don't ask why. :P DEX 13 APP 8 ; Read the background before you lop off my head. INT 16 POW 18 EDU 15 SAN varies (Place somewhere from 20 to 30, fluctuations due to editing through piles of grammatical errors in the digest.) Skills: Accounting 60%, Art (Splatter Art Wheel Amagig: you know, you spin it and pour paint on it) 75%, Conceal 25%, Credit Rating 50%, Cthulhu Mythos 60% (5 years on the digest? Enough to bring normal men to their knees), Fast Talk 30%, First Aid 40%, Library Use 70%, Get your sex confused if you're a male or female, judging only by first name 35% (Hey, I can't tell! :P ), OL: Pig Latin 100%, Native Language: English 80%, Run away and direct other people into the creature's maw behind you 50%, Lose Car Keys 15%, Stumble into chronicle drunkenly and give the players revelations of knowledge, then dissapear again with all their alcohol 55%, Sneak 15%, Sneak into female investigator's motel room to go through their undergarments 40% (Read the background!), Weapons: Handgun 70%, Shotgun 40%, Martial Art: Copernica (spelling?) 30%. Background: Shannon was born in Arkham, Mass, on Novempril 34, 1900 in a factory known for misprinting calanders. He was privately educated and showed great skill in writing, editing, accounting, and splatterwheel art. He went to Miskatonic U, where most of his semesters were spent fooling around with his fraternity. He learned pig latin extremely well at this time. He often paid his dorm rent with money made off of bets, if he could steal panties from the girls' dorm building next door. As his grade point declined, he tried to spend more time in that musky Miskatonic Library. He took up a job as a janitor there, and is the one responsible for the torn and tattered state of the rare book collection (vacuuming old rare books occasionally sucks up pages with the dust). Occasionally he would check out a book to read. His life changed completely when he checked out "Necronomicon: The abridged version for young readers" by Dr. Al-Seuss-ared. He opened that fatefull book and read: Red tentacle, Blue tentacle, Green tentacle! One tentacle, Two tentacle, Three tentacle, Four! This sent him into gibbering spasms of drooly twitching fear. He was hospitalized in the Arkham Sanitarium for 3 weeks before he was released, cured by heavy electrotherapy (Using _Taint of Madness_ sanitarium rules. MUHAHAHAHAHA!) He still wears little burn marks on either side of his head from the shock treatment. Here he started travelling abroad, researching clues found in other evil children's books. His journeys led him to the Egyptain pyramids (where his guide abandoned him for 2 days), a Tibetan monestary (where he beat up several monks before he realized that sticking one's tounge out in their culture is a sign of greeting), a Chinese opium den (do you really want me to tell you what he did here??), the British National Museum rare book collection (where he got lost between the stacks and survived for a week nibbling on the works of De Sade, Voltaire, and Shakespeare), and the plateau of Leng (which he still insists looks like any plateau on the planet, except for the goat legged men who eat people). Soon, he grew bored of these travels, and dedicated his life to drinking -and- travelling the planet. Who can beat the excitement of waking up with a hangover in a Korean jail, when you could swear you were in England the night before? He is notorious for stumbling into investigations of the Mythos, often times totally blottoed and waving the next copy of the Chaosium Digest. He steals the female investigator's panties, the male investigator's beer, and always leaves a clue to what the investigators need to know to survive. It is said he's totally insane already, and summons byakhqee to attend tea parties in Azazoth's court, but these allegations have proven unfounded. Well, that's it! Shannon Appel, I salute you for you work for the digest all these years with this odd satire. ;) --