Just to nit-pick (I hope successfully, as I haven't looked up KoS to check), I think they belong to the father's _clan_, rather than there being any real "custody" type distinction between the father and the mother. This has the upshot that said clan has the responsibility for looking after the children, whether or not they have any immediate family handy. Of course, as Pam notes, they almost invariably will, and close at hand too, so the clan will in practically every case discharge this responsibilty by collectively looking hard at the nearer relations until they do so. This remains true if the father is also away fighting Lunar Scum(TM), or deceased (see first reason), or whatever. Of course, how politic a thing to do this is depends on your family's attitude to Dereliction of Motherhood for Warriordom, though having to feed the kiddies isn't likely to be the deciding factor in this so much an extra grumble to add into any contrary social and political views -- becoming a Vingan, and an absentee one at that, may not necessarily make you wildly popular with hubby's relatives, alleged Social Acceptance of such a role or no.
Cheers,
Alex.
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