The Cheese Toastie of 1000 Heroes.

From: Alex Ferguson <abf_at_interzone.ucc.ie>
Date: Sat, 21 Jun 1997 21:12:18 +0100 (BST)


Pam Carlson worships at the graven image of a False Toastie:
> in England, a toasted cheese sandwich is just FRIED BREAD!

Nonono, in England (and I'm quite happy for the Celtic Fringe to be left out here), "fried bread" is just _FRIED BREAD_. Which is logical, if gross. ;-) (Then again, one could always think of it as being French toast without the scambled avian.)

> So, you can see that even in the real world, even such a simple thing as
> a toasted cheese sandwich can take on different masks.

This is indeed true. I myself have witnessed the ritual preparation and subsequent sacrifice of each of the following Manifestations of the Primal Sarny:

  1. A cheese sandwich, toasted. (Pause while audience gapes in wonderment at the audacious simplicity of the idea.)
  2. A cheese sandwich, put in a sort of plastic bag (a thermosetting polymeric substance, my engineer colleague informs me), and grilled with extreme prejudice.
  3. Sandwich with the cheese where God intended, but the butter/marge on the _outside_, and put in a "sandwich maker", which cooks/seals/cuts the contents. This results in triangular artifacts containing pressurised, liquified and superheated cheese which cause third degree burns to the soft palette, and suffocatation of the incautious eater. Some food theorists (AKA, the Snack Learners), believe (not unrelatedly) these to be an early precursor of the sacred "Pop Tart".

These disparate sorts of Toasted Sandwich are obviously not to be confused with either a) toast, with cheese; or b) "toasted cheese", both of which also involve bread, cheese, and Much Toasting, but are certainly not True Cheese Toasties.

While I don't wish to upset anyone, I have to say that _all_ of the above seemed to be the creation of the human cultists attending their altars of metal and molten dairy products (various sects of the Heat Inside Matter god, I presume).

Ob. Glorantha -- You're kidding, right?

Cheesily,
Alex.

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