Garundyer

From: Peter Metcalfe <metcalph_at_voyager.co.nz>
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 1999 11:41:26 +1200


Nikk Effingham:

>HISTORY OF GARUNDYER PART ONE
A bit difficult to do as the guy is so boringly perfect.

>[...] to participate in the FireWind rituals that the Kocholang
>family held every year to determine who would join the honoured ranks
>of the Kocholang family.

I don't like this. These are secrets that make the family pre-eminent, not wisdom that anybody can learn.

>However, a battle with the trolls of Lalia
>when Garanwyn raided their lands left him crippled in the left leg.

Lalia is human land AFAIK.

>The day came when Garundyer was five, and was on the outskirts of
>Ormsland in a ravine, he was accompanying his friend Harandos, an
>older child who he spent much of his time with.

I would dump the childhood association with Harandos. Garundyer's power and insight comes from within himself, not because he's a childhood pal of a Grey Sage who has a copy of "how to to be an Orlanthi Hero in 20 easy lessons".

>Here, in this ravine, they
>disturbed a wyrm. [...] The wyrm, however, was seeking only to be left
>alone - - and killing children does not make for a quiet life.

Ormsland is a land packed with barbarian dragonewts who eat humans. The scruples exhibited by the Wyrm is most unusual.

>Amazed
>by the human's virtue (Garundyer never acted against the wyrm once
>the wyrm began to aid him) the draconic beast became quite enamoured
>with the youth, and taught him three secrets.

Garundyer should not have any draconic secrets. Orlanthi don't need them. Secondly he comes from Alakoring's land which is so vehemently anti-dragon.

>Owain, on the other hand, was left with
>Garundyer's crippled left leg, and was very bitter. Later, they would
>settle their differences, and Garundyer would rescue Owain's daughter
>from trolls, in return Owain became one of Garundyer's three Fighting
>Companions.

Why should Orlanthi settle their differences? The feud that destroyed Harmast's family was started by a divorce. Given Owain's grieviances, I expect him to be haunting Garundyer to the end of time, not simply kiss and make up in the next sentence.

>By the age of eight and a half Garanwyn gave
>his son his magical spear, that could call lightning and pierce a
>dragon's hide. Garundyer lost when it snapped in a battle with a
>demon from the Three Shoal Pool some years later.

Already Garundyer begins to look like a child prodigy of the most unattarctive sort. But why mention the spear if he loses it in an anticlimatic battle?

>Just before he was
>nine, the Telmori came and slaughtered the steads in that area, led
>by a shaman called Four-Paws-Speaks-Evil. This was shortly before the
>Hsunchen civil war broke out in Vustria. The shaman spared only the
>children.

Why would Telmori spare children? And what civil war was this?

>It took
>them three weeks to hunt down Four-Paws-Speaks-Evil, and Rioneyth
>slew him.

Surely Garundyer should do this epic deed?

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