Re: Re: Narrative characteristics

From: Nikodemus Siivola <nikodemus_at_...>
Date: Thu, 15 Jul 2010 11:03:26 +0300


On 14 July 2010 23:14, connruadan <connruadan_at_...> wrote:

I know nothing about Planescape, but descriptions I have opinions on...

> Alcofrybas is a young orphan tiefling raised in a charity kitchen in the Hive. There, he
> learnt to help others. As a lightboy and then a tout in every ward of Sigil, he saw many
> things and used this knowledge to further his aim. He has become a busy burglar indeed and

If this was written by my player, I would point out that "saw many things and used this knowledge to further his aim" doesn't say much anything. What did he see and what is his aim? Maybe "learned many a dark secret of the rich and powerful?"

> what he steals goes in fact to various pantries or the Gatehouse. Member of the
> Revolutionay League, he pretends to be an Indep and sees his "work" as "evening the
> multiverse's inequalities". A filthy rich fiend, recently come to he Hive, tries to
> control the charity works there : rumor says s/he's looking like an older Alcofrybas...

Otherwise this one is mostly fine, IMO.

> Qep'To follows the Philosophy of Survival his grand-mother taught him. Stern as every
> githzerai, he tries to adjust himself constantly to the multiverse. He knows how to behave
> in the endless struggle of life of the Hive. Weapons are just tools : he is the true
> weapon. His mental powers are just another way to adapt himself to an everchanging
> fortune. He seeks to *know* himself and would gladly lead a simple and humble life but the

Maybe this means something in Planescape, I don't know. If not, I would cut everything from "He tries..." to "humble life": it reads like fluff and doesn't say much concrete. I'm assuming githzerai is a type of warrior monk or something -- in that case saying so is enough to establish that he has his weapon skills and unarmed skills and some mental powers. If not, then especially "mental powers" is too bland. Vagueness is ok, blandness is bad. :)

> multiverse always seems to test him. His xaositect friends are just barmies for him :
> embracing chaos means constantly adating oneself not creating more change.

"Multiverse always seems to test him" sounds like fun. :) I don't know what "just barmies" means. The last sentence -- as is much of the earlier bit I would cut -- is about the inner life of the character. You can write a million words on that, but unless you want to make a trait out of "Embracing chaos" and can explain to others what it means, it doesn't belong in the description, IMO.

IMO the important thing is to use the descriptions to establish facts as opposed to fluff.

I don't have anything to say about frontloaded keyword building, but one thing you could do is running a couple of one-shots using the on-the fly method to try out the system and get a feel for the sort of traits that you wish to encourage.

Cheers,

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