Jeff
We didn't have FANCY, SPECKLEY, SWIRLY DICE back in the old days. Our
dice
were PLAIN and they were BLUE! If you threw the 12-sider too hard, IT
EXPLODED! Then you had to buy another Expert Level Set to get another
one!
And we COULDN'T EVEN READ THE NUMBERS on our dice! We had to COLOR them
with a CRAYON for crying out loud! We had Cruddy, Blue, Exploding,
Crayon-Coated Dice - AND WE LIKED IT!!!
Our MONSTER MANUAL was BLACK & WHITE for Pete's sakes! We had to COLOR
in
all those pictures! And we didn't know what color things were back then
-
we HAD TO USE OUR IMAGINATIONS! God forbid if we used all our Red Crayon
on
our dice! Then all of our monsters had Orange Eyes! And what kind of
crazy
ecosystem was represented on the cover of that thing anyhow? They had
every
monster in the food chain living together in perfect harmony! We had
Colorless Monsters that lived together peacefully - AND WE LIKED IT!!!
Then there was that DUNGEON MASTERS GUIDE! It had that SCARY BIG DEMON
LOOKING THING on the cover! And everytime your Mom saw it SCARED THE
BEJEEZUS out of her and she would RIP IT UP or THROW IT AWAY or sell it
to
your best friend at a garage sale for $1.25! We had to buy the same book
over and over again cause our Moms threw it out - AND WE LIKED IT!!!
And, don't get me started about SOURCE MATERIAL! We didn't have
"Complete
This" and "Player's Option" that! We didn't have any Core Rules for the
Computer-thing-a-ma-jig! All we had was some CRAPPY INTELLIVISION GAME.
All
of our dungeons were drawn on graph paper! All of our rooms were 10' x
10'.
But (and this is where we got you young fellers BEAT) ALL of our dungeon
rooms were FILLED WITH TREASURE! Heck, all you had to do back then was
BREAK DOWN THE DOOR, KILL THE MONSTER, and TAKE THE TREASURE! We didn't
have PLOT LINES or CAMPAIGN WORLDS or STORYLINES to bog us down! There
was
MOUNTAINS
of TREASURE! Heaps of it!!! You know why you don't find treasure in
every
room in your silly dungeons and modules anymore? CAUSE WE TOOK IT ALL!
HA!
AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! We had plotless, storyless, 10 foot by 10 foot
dungeon rooms FILLED WITH TREASURE, AND WE LIKED IT!!!
Now you all are complaining about the quality of a "Dungeons and
Dragons"
movie! Oh My Stars and Garters! Count your sheep lucky that you get a
MOVING PICTURE! We had a cartoon with a Unicorn that shot a laser beam
from
his horn, and an 8-year-old barbarian...AND WE LIKED IT!!!
Finally, you guys with your "LEAD FREE" miniatures! I had to get a new
puppy every month because of the things I grew up painting! Heck, now I
feed my dog Vrock entire Warhammer Armies cause they're nothing but 28
millimeters of cheap scrap metal and plastic! We had lethal,
cancer-causing
miniatures that killed our pets, AND WE LIKED IT!!! "
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