How Eurmal found his Breath.
One day the Thunder Brothers were showing off what they could do with their breath. Vangarth could fly on his, Vinga could create the defender storm, Ohorlanth could create huge storms, and in fact they could all do something.
When Eurmal saw what they were doing he quickly hid, fearing that he would become the target of their powers. From his hiding place in an old turnip he watched them bluster and blow. "It isn't fair," he thought to himself, "everyone has a mighty breath but me. I wish I had a powerful breath like that."
Eventually the Thunder Brothers wandered off to other duties, and Eurmal left his turnip. "There must be someone else who doesn't have a breath." He muttered. Then he decided to go find out whom.
First he thought of Gustbran. "He wasn't there boasting and blowing, I bet he doesn't have a breath." thought Eurmal. So he found Gustbran at his forge, and said, "We're alike in not having a breath, we should be friends."
Gustbran just gave Eurmal a withering glance, and then blew a long and steady breath over his coals, bringing them up to a perfect and even redness.
Eurmal slunk out of Gustrbran's forge, then said to himself "Lhankor My wasn't there boasting and blowing either, and his chest isn't much bigger than mine, he must not have a breath either." So he found Lhankor My in his library, and said, "We're alike in not having a breath, we should be friends."
Lhankor My immediately started an impassioned lecture on the nature and importance of "breath." By the time Eurmal's ears were too tired to listen anymore Lhankor My hadn't stopped to breathe.
Eurmal slunk out of Lhankor My's library, then said to himself "Minlister wasn't there boasting and blowing either, and you never see him compete with the Thunder Brothers, he must not have a breath either." So he found Minlister by his vat, and said, "We're alike in not having a breath, we should be friends."
Just then Minlister sent a gentle puff of air over the vat, and refreshing smell of flowers came off the beer. Eurmal was tempted to slink away again, but he was more interested in beer than in coals or lectures, so he stayed instead.
"What did you do?" he asked Minlister.
Minlister smiled and replied "The barley has to give up its breath before the beer is finished. I just finished convincing the grain sisters to give up their breath, then I breathed mine over the vat to help ease theirs out."
"Barley has breathed?" Eurmal demanded, indignantly.
"Of course, everything has breathe." Assured Minlister.
Then Eurmal slunk out. "How could even Barley have breathe if I don't?" he demanded. But the world didn't answer him, so he came up with his own answer. "It can't. Minlister was trying to play a trick on me, that's all. But how to prove it?" Then Eurmal had an idea, he'd show that the beer was the same whether Minlister got the barley to give up its breath or not.
The next time Minlister was getting ready to brew a batch of beer; Eurmal crept into his brewery when Minlister wasn't there. Eurmal disguised himself to look a little like Ernalda, and he told the Barley that it must keep its breathe to itself no matter what. The Barley, being fairly simple, agreed.
Later Eurmal hid himself outside Minlister's brewery, until he heard Minlister muttering and cursing. Eurmal sauntered in, and asked, "What's wrong?"
"The barley won't give up its breath, and I don't understand why
not. This batch of beer will be ruined."
"Oh, would you like me to get rid of it for you?"
"No, it will be no good to drink at all, I'll just pour it out."
Eurmal looked affronted "I wasn't going to drink it. My cabbages could use some extra water, if you'll just pour it into a barrel I'll roll it over and pour it on them."
Now, Minlister didn't totally believe Eurmal, but he felt just a little sorry for him, and he didn't really want to have to find somewhere to pour it himself, so he put his spoiled beer into a barrel and let Eurmal roll it away.
Of course, Eurmal went and hid the barrel under a pile of hay, then crawled inside and started to drink. He was furious to discover that Minlister was right, that the beer didn't taste any good. But it did still have its usual effects on Eurmal, so he kept drinking until the barrel was dry.
Just then it happened to be time for a feast. Eurmal knew better than to try and sit down and eat for the Thunder Brothers would probably throw him out, but he went and hid along the roof beam, waiting until they fell asleep so he could steal the scraps they left behind.
The feast was typical of its kind, and lasted quite some time. Gradually Eurmal began to feel strange. There was an odd pressure in his gut, but by then Eurmal was so hungry he didn't want to leave his post. Then the pressure became a pain, and he hurt too much to want to move anyway.
All of the Thunder Brother's had eaten their fill, and were relaxing and talking when suddenly something happened. Something shot out of Eurmal's backside with a sound like the bellowing of a bull, and the pain in Eurmal's gut eased up.
Everyone was startled by the noise, then Elmal yelled "That could be trolls attacking, I'll take my shield to the ramparts and shine my light upon them." He grabbed his bright shield, but then its face lost its luster, and Elmal went all purple in the face.
"I'll find it!" announced Vangarth, and he leapt onto his breath to
start looking, but then his breathe lost its strength and he fell to
the floor.
"It must be chaos, and it is right inside here!" yelled Vinga, and
she started running along the table, when suddenly she stumbled, then
started retching.
"I'll blow whatever it is away," rumbled Ohorlanth, and he breathed
in a mighty breath, but before he could breathe it out coughing
overtook him.
Just then something more came out of Eurmal's backside, with a sound like horse that has been wounded, and the pain in Eurmal's gut went away completely. Everyone in the hall began cough and gasp and wretch, so Eurmal took the opportunity to drop to the ground to grab something to eat. So distracted was everybody that none noticed him.
Finally Orlanth bellowed, and his mighty voice blew open the doors to the hall and sent the air out in a great rush. Everyone breathed a little bit easier, but then they heard lamentations coming from all over the land, as the people, the animals, and even the plants were offended by the odor.
Just then something more came out of Eurmal's backside, with a sound like an Alynx in battle, and most of the pressure in his gut went away. All the folk in the hall were overcome again. Even Ernalda, who could normally ignore almost anything, was beginning to look pale. Realizing that the Thunder Brothers were not going to be able to solve this problem, she looked around the hall, and spotted Eurmal.
Ernalda pointed a finger at Eurmal, and said, "You, come here." Eurmal obeyed, although he was shaking in his boots, for if there was one person he feared more than Orlanth it was Ernalda.
He walked slowly up to her, and just then still more came out of his backside, with a sound like hailstones off of a shield, and the pressure in his gut went away completely. Now Ernalda began to sweat, but demanded, "WHAT is this?"
Eurmal wasn't quite sure what it was, and he doubted that he had any left. All the same, he'd never had such power before, and he hoped to get it back again some time. Thinking quickly he said, "It is my breath!"
"You must take control of it and stop this carnage." Demanded Ernalda.
"I will," said Eurmal slyly, "so long as you agree that nobody should
ever be asked to give up their breathe, not even mere plants, like
barley."
Minlister knew right then what had happened, but he couldn't breathe well enough to say anything.
Ernalda knew that any commitment to Eurmal would be double-edged, but her eyes were starting to water and she was feeling faint, so she agreed.
Then Eurmal grabbed the remains of a roast pig and ran out of the hall before anyone recovered enough to beat him.
After that, Minlister still breathed on his beer, and that was enough to get the barley to give up most of its breath, but not all. Soon everyone found that if they drank much ale they too would get the pressure in their gut. Nobody ever had results as dramatic as Eurmal (and even Eurmal never matched that first wonderful night). Eurmal claimed that his breath was so powerful that he could share it with others, although most people doubted his story, as most people always doubt what Eurmal says.
To this day though, some folk call this "Eurmal's breath," although others say it is the ale wind that blows no good.
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