Re: D&D vs HQ

From: Stewart Stansfield <stu_stansfield_at_nTAljB1hGZ9Zo-AMZIzeAudgjNFenjXWvplOjxsAU2GgQ1o9MmDRfnPVE6JQu>
Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 12:04:14 -0000


To recap:  

Shar [long incomprehensible dark-elven name], a CE drow anti-paladin
[Chris Lee]

Shortbow, a midget CG moon elf thief [Bryan] Mungo the Maleficent, a LE halfling cleric of Tiamat [Stu]  

are engaged on a mission to rescue twenty children, held by orcs of the Red Fist tribe, in an old temple of Set.  

This session we were supposed to be joined by another player, Spanner, but he didn't show. Which left us to face the dungeon alone. Great.  

THE SECOND SESSION:   So, he we were, facing off against these three Githyanki. Actually, the DM had forgotten their stats again, but just read them before he came (that sounds so wrong...), so it was okay. One of the Githyanki was edging to the door in the west wall. Having just come to the pub, and settled down with our pints, we decided to have at them. They got the initiative, and one exited through the door.  

Shortbow let loose her arrows, and Shar charged in with his cutlass. Thankfully, the Githyanki couldn't hit shit with their greatswords, and the two elves did considerable damage. Where was Mungo? Well, he was at the back, wielding his sling.  

DM: "Mungo, what do you do?"
Mungo: "I attack the Githyanki Shortbow attacked... I hit... for 1 point of damage!"
DM: "It's down!"  

Then, the next round...  

DM: "Mungo, what do you do?"
Mungo: "I attack the Githyanki Shar attacked... I hit... for 1 point of damage!"
DM: "It's down!"
Mungo: "Yay! Have it yer bastards! I'm so fucking 'ard, me... Mungo the Githyanki-Slayer!"  

Through their chagrin, Shar and Shortbow began to search the room, and took note of the Githyanki's treasure.  

DM: "They have 7,800..."
Players: "Wahoo!"
DM: "... copper pieces."
Players: "Fuck."
Shar: "How the hell did they get 7800 cp down here? Have they not heard of exchange?"
Shortbow: "How much does that weigh... [long pause while mathematically inept players work it out] about 150 pounds!" Shar: "We'll leave it here and collect it later..." Mungo: "How the fuck are we going to get 7800 cp out of here..." Shar: "..."
Mungo: "Hey, I've got an idea! We're rescuing twenty children, right? Well we make them carry it back for us, the little bastards!" Shar: "Brilliant!"
Shortbow: "There is no bloody way you are making those children carry all this money out of here..."  

Thankfully, there were also the Githyanki's two masterwork greatswords, which were bugger all use to Shortbow and Mungo, but snapped up by the drow. Anyway, the brave party then decided to try the door the Githyanki escaped through. It led into a 15' by 15' room, piled with boxes that made a narrow avenue to... a large silver mirror, marked with a dragon's head!  

Mungo immediately abased himself before the mirror, and hissed to his companions "Kneel, you bastards!" Shar replied "Eh?" and Mungo started bashing his leg with his heavy pick, shaped as a dragon's head. "Kneel before the Great Goddess, you miserable twat!"  

While this was going on, Shortbow appraised the mirror, and found it to be worth 300 gp. "O Great Tiamat..." Mungo continued, before hearing Shortbow's appraisal. Shar started to further examine the mirror. We had to make Knowledge (Planes) rolls to even attempt to learn anything about it, which was most of us buggered. Shar actually knew the Githyanki to be planar outsiders, who could phase in and out of our world. And on that note, we tottered off to look for more monsters.  

This part of the dungeon was pretty sparse. We exited a different door and pottered around a few empty rooms. One had a net trap in, which got Shar and Shortbow, much to Mungo's glee (who made his Reflex save). The halfling gloated as he... slowly... released his two companions who were rendered helpless by a bloody net.  

So we ended up back in the 'Mushroom Room', and -- having no desire to face the stirges -- decided to finally try the bronze doubledoors,  adorned with the image of Set. They opened onto an octagonal room, with a dais in the centre that held a statue...  

[At this point Mungo quizzed the party on the proper symbol for a
statue on a dungeon map, and was mortified that they did not know it was a black, five-pointed star within a circle...]  

... of Set, which pointed through the doors we had just come. Two other doors stood in the western and south-eastern walls. No sooner had the DM finished, than Mungo matter-of-factly shouted "Right! Turn the statue so it points to one of the doors."  

"Eh?" asked Shortbow. "Just do it, son; I'm a pro," nodded Mungo. Shortbow demurred and went off to try the doors while Mungo tapped his foot impatiently... and looked at the walls. What was on the walls, the party asked?  

"Hieroglyphics of men at work," the DM replied innocently.  

[At this point, the table of one twenty-eight-year-old and two
thirty-somethings dissolved into puerile giggles and '80s antipodean jokes. I'm not sure the DM, who was a fair bit younger, quite got them...]  

When we'd recovered, Mungo finally convinced everyone to turn the statue. Which was easier said than done by a midget elf, a halfling weakling and a drow who kept rolling 6 on his strength checks. Anyway, it was finally moved, and opened the south-east door. This opened onto a 10' long corridor, which itself led to a 30' room with a capstan in the middle, and a platform to one side, and a door exiting to the south-east. The room was covered in hay and manure. We pissed about with the capstan, and found it lowered the platform 60' to a lower level.  

Shortbow climbed down of his own accord, but Shar and Mungo were having none of it. "Come up you daft git!" Shar and Mungo shouted. "But I've only just climbed down!" he protested. "Don't explore a new level until we've finished this one, you splitter!" Mungo barracked. Eventually Shortbow came back up, and we went back to the octagonal room, to try the western door... which moving the statue duly opened.  

It led to a 20' by 20' room, which was filled with about seven skeletons -- looted, except for one which held a gleaming short sword. Mungo desperately hoped the skeletons were undead, but they weren't -- despite his numerous kicks and prods. So the party went back to the capstan room, to try the south-east door.  

So, Shar, Mungo and Shortbow went through the door, into a long corridor. It turned to the left at the end, but before that were two doors, opposite each other in the north and south walls. The party tried the south door. First Mungo listened at it. Nowt. Then Shortbow checked for traps. Nowt. Then we opened the door and Mungo promptly fell into a hidden 10' pit.  

"Pull me out, you bastards!" Mungo cried. Shar unpacked his bedroll which dangled a bit under 6' down into the pit. Mungo was 3'4" and couldn't quite reach. "Lower, you moron!" he shouted. "Shut up and jump, you little shit!" Shar replied. Unfortunately, a halfling with 7 Strength wearing a breastplate, shield and weapons can't jump for shit. Thankfully, though, after five attempts he managed to grab hold of the bedroll and was pulled up.  

The room to the south was 25' wide but only 10' deep. A bag lay on the floor, and a suit of armour against the south wall. The DM asked for Spot checks. Yeah, like we made them. Shortbow, investigating the bag, immediately froze in space.  

Shar called it first: "Gelatinous cube!" After a quick conflab on how best to slay it, Shar and Mungo just set to with greatsword and heavy pick. The bastard had 58 hp, so it took ages, but the brave adventurers managed to lure it back into the pit in the corridor, and then happily finished it off. A gooified Shortbow was dragged out of the pit, and the treasure accumulated. 800 bloody sp. Sheesh.  

[At this point, it should be noted that the twenty children we aimed
to rescue would now be carrying over 9000 coins, one statue of Set, one silver dragon mirror, two large bronze doors, two breastplates, one masterwork greatsword, one set of artisan's tools and one set of full plate armour out of the dungeon and back to civilisation]  

Then Shortbow tried the north door. It opened unto utter darkness, and a feeling of dread, from which peered two glowing yellow eyes. Shar outlined it in Faerie Fire, which in 3e is the most bloody useless spell ever. A growl sounded. "Fuck it, it's a dog. Twat it," came the refrain from the party. Shortbow and Mungo attacked with arrows and sling bullets, while Shar hacked with his greatsword. After taking some damage, the dog fled to the far wall of the room, turned and...  

DM: "The hell hound breathes a stream of fire at Shar!"  

Hell hound? They were quite hard. This started raising alarm bells, but we weren't quite sure of anything specific yet. Anyway, despite the protestations of Mungo, the hound was put down. Mungo protested that as LE denizens of the hells, hell hounds were 'good', or 'bad' but you get the idea, and Fido should have a proper burial. Sadly Shar and Shortbow were having none of it, and we went back into the corridor, following the bend to the north. A door stood before us...

To be continued!            

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