To recap:
Shar [long incomprehensible dark-elven name], a CE drow anti-paladin
[Chris Lee]
Shortbow, a midget CG moon elf thief [Bryan]
Mungo the Maleficent, a LE halfling sorcerer-cleric of Tiamat [Stu]
are engaged on a mission to rescue twenty children, held by orcs of the Red Fist tribe, in an old temple of Set.
This session we were indeed joined by another player, Spanner. For about twenty minutes.
THE THIRD SESSION Having recovered from fighting an ogre, the party of vacuous venturers stood in 20' by 20' room. A single door stood in the western wall, itself leading into a short corridor, and then a 20' by 25' room. As befits a dungeon, the room was empty except for a sodden pillow, a broken drum, and a drow impaled in one wall by a large axe that had swung down from the ceiling.
[Hey, when I was at my Dad's over the weekend -- who has Sky -- they
were showing Knightmare reruns (from 1992) on 'Challenge TV'...]
This perplexed the party for some time. Particularly the pillow. The drum was inscribed with the legend 'Property of Devon August'. "That's a porn star name if ever I heard one!" cried Mungo (somewhat excited), "That, or a My Little Pony."
While pondering what to do with a porn star's percussion and a sodden pillow, the party examined two exits. One, a secret door that had been 'unsecreted', led to the Vampire's Smoking Room; another door ultimately (listen -- check for traps -- "Take that you bastard door!") opened up onto the great cavern to the west, and that precarious rope bridge.
Mungo & Shar: "I think we should kill those stirges, now." Shortbow: "No, we should rescue the children!" Mungo: "Awww, come on. These are valuable XP opportunities; we can't let them go to waste."
So Shar edged onto the rope bridge. And promptly fell off. Shortbow grabbed hold, but couldn't pull him up. And then promptly fell off. Mungo, bringing up the rear then pondered what to do. One thought was to chuck Shar the wand of Cure Light Wounds, so he could zap himself big-time just as he hit the bottom. But realising he could do bugger all but try and catch them with 7 Strength, he prayed to Tiamat and then set to. Thankfully (it was probably the sacrifice of a gnoll baby), he rolled a natural 20. After much scrabbling, the party recovered themselves, and retreated to the room. A buzzing orange cloud of death was approaching.
DM: "Right. The stirges form an orderly queue."
Stirges are not that strong, but a peril when they sink the proboscis in, and draw blood. After killing a few, there were still hundreds remaining, we got bored and decided to try our luck elsewhere. Shar was speared in the shoulder by a stirge as we retreated and closed the door, which promptly drew blood! "Motherfucking bastard arsehole prick!" Shar cried with no hint of amusement.
Shortbow and Mungo tried their best to help. "Hold on!" murmured Shortbow as she drew back the string of her bow. "Don't move..." said Mungo, as he raised his heavy pick. Most probably thankfully, both missed, and after it had drained 4 temporary CON points, Shar sent the stirge skittering across the floor, and then stamped on it. And promptly proceeded to torture it. He also sang a drowish battle dirge.
"Oi!" cried Shortbow, "Stop it!" Shar ignored her. Shortbow tried to sneak up and put the stirge out of its misery, but Shar had a quick eye. "Get to fuck!" he shouted, and finished his 'work'.
After torturing a small bird, it was decided that the party would repair to the long circular corridor that wound around the old temple of Set. A door was found in the west wall of the corridor, which opened onto darkness...
The drow entered the room, and scanned the surroundings with his darkvision. Something scuttled in the distance, and Shar promptly cast a violet Faerie Fire, which outlined the shape of... a Monstrous Spider!
Shar: "Oh, no... it's a spider. I can't fight it. It's sacred to
Lolth."
Mungo: "Eh, you're the fighter, you wimp. Hit it."
Shar: "No. This is up to you lot. I'm a drow; spiders are sacred."
Mungo: "So what if it's a symbol of Lolth? I thought you were trying
to secure the masculine proletariat's freedom from the oppressive
matriarchy? The Worm That Turned..."
Shar: "The Phantom Raspberry Blower..."
Mungo: "... of Old London Town."
DM: "The spider attacks Shar... hits... and does three points of
damage."
Shar: "Fuck! Right, that's it, I'm off."
Mungo: "Come back you nonce! For fuck's sake..."
Mungo and Shortbow then tried to kill the spider. Sadly, two spells on the trot failed for Mungo as he dried to cast whilst wearing a breastplate, so he reverted to his sling. Shortbow finally killed the spider with his magical shortsword. As Chris had pissed off to speak to the other table then roleplaying, Shortbow and Mungo quietly split the treasure and XP between them. The DM was by now royally pissing them off, as all the weapons and armour they found were for medium-sized creatures.
The party left the room, continued down the corridor, and found a set of stairs going upwards...
So, gratefully, the adventurers left the fourth level of the dungeon, and proceeded to the easier third level. The stairs opened onto a large room that contained nought but an old iron maiden on a platform along one wall. It was empty. After the tired, obligatory NWOBHM jokes were out of the way, we proceeded through a door to the south. This opened into a small, 5' by 5' room, with another door to the south. Mungo listened, and heard the sound of melodious singing.
"It doesn't sound like 'im, does it?" asked Mungo, pointing at Shar. "No," the DM replied, "but make a Will Save." Shar and Mungo both failed. And promptly opened the door, and walked forward enraptured, ready to become a Harpy's feast.
Thankfully Shortbow was alive to the situation, and when it was apparent that it was more than Mungo and Shar's dubious taste in women at play, began to attack the Harpy. But...
Shar: "Hold on. Was the Harpy's song a spell or a spell-like effect?"
DM: "Yes, why?"
Shar: "I've got magic resistance... yep, it fails."
DM: "Okay, then. Roll for initiative. Right, your turn then. You're
right next to it."
Shar: "I twat it for 15 points of damage!"
After this, the harpy fled through a door to the south, and the party rushed to follow. They came into a room containing four snakes. "Leave it to me, lads!" Mungo cried, "I can rebuke snakes!" Mungo then proceeded to 'turn snakes', much as a cleric can turn undead; but as he was evil, he instead 'rebuked' that which he would otherwise turn, and commanded that which he would otherwise destroy. Raising his heavy pick, and screaming an oath to Tiamat, Mungo now controlled four snakes.
Which was a good job, as also in the room there appeared...
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